How to Write a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Guide
Being asked to deliver a eulogy is an honour — and one of the most daunting things most of us will ever do. You're being trusted to put into words what someone meant to the people who loved them. That's a significant responsibility, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it.
This guide will walk you through the process, from the blank page to standing at the lectern.
How long should a eulogy be?
Most eulogies run between 5 and 10 minutes when spoken aloud. That translates to roughly 600–1,000 words on the page. Shorter is almost always better — a tight, focused eulogy lands harder than one that tries to cover everything.
Step 1: Give yourself time — but not too much
Start writing as soon as you feel able to. Waiting until the day before rarely works. Give yourself at least three or four days, spread across short sessions rather than one long sitting.
Step 2: Gather your material
Before you write a single sentence, collect:
- Stories and memories — your own, and ones you ask others to share
- The person's own words — letters, texts, things they said repeatedly
- Details that made them distinctly themselves — habits, phrases, passions, quirks
- Their proudest moments and the qualities people most admired
Don't filter yet. Write everything down. You'll edit later.
Step 3: Choose a structure
There's no single right structure for a eulogy, but the following works well for most:
- Open with something that immediately evokes the person — a story, a quote, a characteristic phrase
- Briefly cover their life — where they came from, who they loved, what they built
- Two or three specific stories — concrete, vivid, personal
- What they meant to the people in the room — acknowledge different relationships
- Close with something forward-looking — how they'll live on, what they'd want for those left behind
Avoid writing a chronological list of facts. Dates and achievements matter less than the texture of who someone was.
Step 4: Write the opening last
Counter-intuitively, write the rest of the eulogy first and come back to the opening. Knowing what you've said makes it much easier to find the right way in.
A strong opening might be:
- A short, specific story that captures them perfectly
- Something they always said
- A moment that encapsulates their character
Avoid opening with "I was asked to speak today" or "The dictionary defines grief as..." — both are forgettable.
Step 5: Read it aloud
This is non-negotiable. A eulogy is a spoken piece, not a written one. Reading aloud will show you:
- Where sentences are too long to say in one breath
- Where the pace is off
- Where you're likely to become emotional — so you can prepare
Mark the places where you might struggle. Have a plan: pause, breathe, look up from the page. It's okay to cry. No one in the room will think less of you for it.
Step 6: Practical tips for the day
- Print in a large, clear font — at least 14pt
- Double space the lines so it's easy to find your place
- Hold the pages, don't fold them — paper rustles and shakes
- Bring a bottle of water
- Speak more slowly than feels natural — nerves speed everything up
- It's entirely acceptable to ask someone to stand beside you, or to step in if you can't continue
A note on humour
Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful — it's one of the most human things there is. If the person you're eulogising was funny, or if a story is genuinely comic, don't suppress it. Laughter and tears coexist naturally in grief, and a moment of warmth in a eulogy is often what people remember most.
Finally: it doesn't have to be perfect
The people listening are not there to judge your writing or your delivery. They are there because they loved the same person you did. Whatever you say, from the heart, will be enough.
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